Men Living Longer: Women Hardest Hit

The New York Times has an article today entitled, "The Bell Tolls for the Future Merry Widow"(Hat tip: swlip.com). In this pathetic excuse for an article, the theme appears to be that because men are living longer, this might put a cramp in women's lifestyles. For example:

By necessity, women have gotten used to a life lived for long periods without men. They have had the advantage in life expectancy since the late 19th century, when overall longevity started to climb. More than men, women have developed strong friendships to support them in their frailest hours. They have forced doctors to pay attention to their health concerns. They no longer have to cater to men. Travel companies now cater to their interests.

And then the article points out these pearls of wisdom from sell-out, I mean psychologist, John Gray:

"Women don't need men as much as men need women," said John Gray, the therapist and author of, most famously, "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus."
"Men have this expectation that women should take care of them," Dr. Gray said. "And she has her own expectations, that she should be there for him."

Particularly after retirement, she is not used to having him around quite so much. "It's different taking care of him for dinner, as opposed to him being home all the time, and expecting her to make every meal," Dr. Gray said.

(Men who divorce also remarry faster; within three years, compared with nine for women.) They're looking for love, Dr. Gray said, but they're also looking for lunch.

Then there are the disputes over sex. Dr. Gray said a woman's sex drive increases as she ages, while a man's declines. But then, is Viagra upsetting that balance, putting men in retirement homes permanently on the prowl?

John Gray needs women more than women need him -- who else would buy his stuff? Yeah, John, that will help you sell the remainder of whatever sell-out crap for women you are peddling this month.

Finally, this advice from another "expert" really puts the icing on the cake:

And a shorter widowhood means women will be better off financially, largely because, as Heidi Hartmann, a labor economist and the president of the Institute for Women's Policy Research, said, "Money attaches to the men."

There is a lot of poverty among older single women, so if men live longer, that's good economically, for women and men," Ms. Hartmann said. "Men are generally happier when they're married. The women may not be happier, but at least they've got more money.

Hell, if I was married to a woman like the author of the Times article, Kate Zernike, I would probably die early too. However, with fewer young men marrying, maybe women like her coming up won't have to worry about a husband. I hope that with increased longevity and Viagra, men will find that living single in their later years will beat out a black--I mean, merry widow--who wants nothing more than a free lunch herself.

There's a famous parody of a Times headline -- "World Ends: Women and Minorities Hardest Hit." But this is beyond parody: "Men Living Longer: Women Hardest Hit" (Hat Tip: swlip.com).

Airplanes, United 93 and Phobias

Well, the movie, United 93, is now in theaters--I would love to see it but I can't. Why? I have a horrible fear of flying. Okay, I know this is stupid, but apparently I am in good company with this phobia--it seems that Isaac Asimov, David Bowie and even the Dalai Lama had a fear of flying. Wikipedia describes the causes of fear of flying:

There are many things that cause one to fear flying, including a fear of closed in spaces (claustrophobia), such as that of an airplane cabin; a fear of heights (acrophobia); a feeling of not being in control (since a passenger is not piloting the plane and can't get out at will); previous traumatizing experiences while in flight; fear of hijacking or terrorism; fear of deep venous thrombosis; fear of turbulence; etc. While most people who are afraid of flying but to whom flight is a convenient way to conduct necessary business manage their fears well enough that they are able to fly, they may spend considerable time and emotional energy thinking about the dangers that may befall them during flight.

Okay, throw me in with the group that is afraid because of a lack of control--I hate the fact that I don't know who is piloting the plane. The crazy thing is, I used to be a student pilot as a teenager. At 14, I went to work in a shoe store to pay for flying lessons. The most exciting part of my life at that point was tooling around looking at the Smoky Mountains with my instructor, Emilio, in a Cessna 150. I was never afraid. Once my grandmother visited from Iowa and watched me take a lesson. I heard her ask my mother why in the world she would let her kid take these "risky" flying lessons. My mom just shrugged and said, "That's what Helen does, she wants to fly airplanes." Just as an aside, I have to say looking back, I really admire my mom for her nonchalant attitude--it fostered my independence and taught me to ignore societal pressure from others to behave in any type of stereotypical manner. Okay, maybe today it has its drawbacks because I often ignore societal cues as to how to act, but hey, it works for me.

Anyway, back to my fear of flying, it seemed to develop over time. I used to fly often when I lived in NYC and it was easy to get a flight to Europe or the Caribbean but somewhere along the line, my feelings changed and I became more and more afraid. I hate to sound like a mom, but I think it was after my kid was born that the fear intensified and I thought of what would happen if the plane crashed and my daughter was left to grow up without a mother. I do force myself to fly, for example, after 911, I was scheduled to do a talk show in Manhattan and got myself on the plane. Luckily, I was sitting next to a retired pilot turned business man who spent the trip telling me how 911 had "inconvenienced" him while traveling on that day. He was so narcissistic that I figured if the plane was hijacked or had problems, he would just push someone aside and fly the plane just so he would not be inconvenienced by the change in plans. I made it to New York, despite my white knuckles, and flew back without any problems but my fear continues.

I am afraid that if I see United 93, my fear will intensify and I will not make it onto the next plane trip I need to take--but then again, perhaps I should engage in some implosion therapy and plunge myself into the film and a subsequent trip to Europe or Israel to squelch my fear.

Has anyone seen the film or planning to do so? If so, let me know your impressions.

Shrinkwrapped sees the movie and gives his analysis.

Interview with MENS NEWS DAILY

Today, I had the pleasure of interviewing Mike Lasalle, the editor of Mens News Daily, a news and commentary site on men's issues. I figured that the editor of a large men's news site would have his pulse on what makes (some) men tick. Here are my questions and Mr. Lasalle's responses:

1) What made you decide to start MND--was it personal, political or do you just have an interest in men's issues?

When I first encountered the divorce "system" in 1995, I observed that while women were well represented and supported as a special class within the system, men were rarely acknowledged except in their capacity as income earners.

I also discovered a network of judges, lawyers, social workers, non-governmental organizations, and court-appointed evaluators. All were called to serve the needs of Judges and their protocols, and all were dependent on the State (and each other) for referrals and new business. Virtually all of these players operated under the pre-conceived notion that the State had already assumed the role of "father" under Parens Patriae. My role - the role I was given but did not want - was to be that of a quiet surf, too proud or too shamed to raise a voice in protest.

In my experience, family court was really Trial by Ordeal - and, instead of helping my family through a difficult circumstance, the system instead seemed bent on making it much worse. Not surprisingly, I also found that support for fathers within the system was virtually absent. Using the web, I learned of many other men and fathers around the globe whose experience with family court - and other branches of the legal system - was as Kafka-esque as my own.

While my experience has acquainted me with so-called "men's rights issues", MND itself is not affiliated with any men's organizations and is solely the product of my own imagination. The site is the manifestation of my conclusion that the rules-of-engagement between the sexes is so murky and in such flux right now, you need a daily news source just to keep up with it.

2) What are the demographics of men on your site--are they married, single, divorced? What are their age ranges? What issues are the men interested in--child custody, marriage, men's rights?

It's about an 80%-20 distribution between men and women.

Our users span a range of demographic particulars - but I expect that most support what I support: liberty of expression in an free marketplace of ideas.

3) Men are marrying less and less. Do you have any insight from your readers as to why they do not want to marry? Fewer men are going to college; any insight into why not? More men between the ages of 22 and 34 are living at home--what is the general concensus from your readers as to why?

I think many men learn about the state of marriage the hard way - through painful experience. It's difficult to convey basic facts about the average man's prospects, since young men often believe they are the exceptions. But the raw facts are simple enough: the average American man is likely to be divorced at least once in his lifetime. And there's the rub: men and women across our society think marriage vows are situational. So, in place of a sacred union, marriage has become an expensive-to-dissolve legal contract whose disposition effects the children, the estate, and the future earning power of the disenfranchised party. (At least the wedding party was a blast...)

Fewer men are going to college because the fast track to education is reserved for the 'disadvantaged' sex - women. Men are thus squeezed to fit the new agenda, thereby themselves becoming a disadvantaged underclass: college graduation rates for men are fast approaching a lopsided 40% compared to women.

Title IX is a clear example of gender-conscious social engineering. The furor caused by Larry Summers' comments last year regarding women in science - and the dull apologies that followed - is another fair testament. On the other hand " slacker men" hits a nerve as a caricature because American men really do seem to be throwing-in the towel on starting a family or planning beyond their own needs in life.

Some say the evils of radical feminism are responsible for men's troubles nowadays. That may be true, but in my opinion "radical feminism" is a symptom of men's malaise, not its cause.

4) How do men on your site feel about women, feminists in particular? What would a psychologist or others working with men really need to know about their psychology to make a difference in their lives?

I think the vast majority of the men visiting MND have healthy relationships with women. I don't think American men are 'angry' at women. They're angry at the social and legal customs that sometimes place women above the rules that men must follow. (Part of my job is to highlight those disparities in the stories I cover.)

I think men's psychology is fundamental: most of us are purposeful. Most of us are idealistic. Most of us are loyal. Most of us want the best for all concerned.

I think that about covers it.

5) What is the best way to advocate for men's rights and issues? Grassroots organizations, writing to politicians, protesting in the streets?

There are many organizations out there, and a quick search of the web will put you in contact with local groups.

National organizations like ACFC are a good place to start - they can put you in touch with local chapters everywhere across the country. There are many others, of course - at both the local and international level. Most are great. Caveat Emptor, of course!

Perp or Horny--You Decide

Take a look at this video about a 36-year-old mother using MySpace.com to lure young men to her home for sex. It states that some of the young victims did not want to come forward because the perpetrator was a woman. What do you think--is this woman a perp or is she just horny?

Update: Here is an older article (2002) from USA Today looking at the gray area of adult-child sex. Take a look at what they say about a Dutch law that allows adults to have sex with 12-16 year olds legally if the youngster consents to it. Twelve seems too young to me--fourteen seems a more reasonable age to make that type of decision.

Podcast with Vernor Vinge

Today, we are talking with one of science fiction's most brillant and popular authors, Vernor Vinge. Vinge coined the term, Singularity, a term used to indicate a future where technological change has changed everything. We see the beginning of that change with Internet-based tools that are changing our lives--Wikipedia, Google, eBay and others. Vinge discusses his new novel, Rainbows End, the Internet of 2025, mind transfer and whether colleges will become obsolete after the Singularity.

Thanks for the three and one-half million downloads our podcasts have received so far! We had over 141,000 (141,131 to be exact) downloads just today and it seems to be growing. Who says individuals have to rely on the MSM or even cable channels to give them a platform? Podcasts are the Singularity in action.

You can listen here (no iPod needed) or subscribe to iTunes. We are asking our iTunes listeners who have not done so to please subscribe to iTunes for our podcasts to help us move up the charts. Exposure -- it's what we get instead of money!

A low-fi version for dialup users is here, and you can see all our previous episodes here.

New Theory or Excuse?

Here is an article from Inside Higher Ed on a "new take" on the gender gap in colleges. I thought this litte know factoid was relevant:

The study starts with a review of the long-term trends in gender enrollment and notes a fact that has received relatively little attention of late: Between 1900 and 1930, male and female enrollments were roughly at parity. And relatively few of the women enrolled (about 5 percent) were at elite women’s colleges. About half were at public institutions.

So, if male and female enrollments were roughly equal from 1900-1930--where is all the discrimination against women in public education that feminists keep talking about from that era? I thought women were home barefoot and pregnant.

Update: I understand very well that women were discriminated against in earlier times and had trouble using their credentials to get ahead in many professions. However, the point of this post is to reveal the hypocrisy that the researchers at Harvard are using when they use the fact that equal numbers of women and men attended college in earlier times as an excuse--oops, I mean "theory" as to why there is a gender gap in education now. In other words--nothing to worry about for men--they never attended college that much anyway so why worry if they don't now. If you really want to know how the Harvard researchers feel about men in college, take a look at this paragraph:

The other major factor they cite is also very simple: Women do better in high school. They are more likely to study hard, to take the right courses, and to do well in those courses than are their male counterparts. Male high school students are more likely to have behavioral problems.

Now, turn that paragraph around and imagine how sexist it would sound if we said men do better at high school and women have behavioral problems. The question if women were down to 40% of college students would be, "what can we do to change that?" not, how can we make it seem normal that men don't attend college so that we don't have to do anything to change it?

Get Well, Michael

One of our fellow Tennessee bloggers, Michael Silence, is having bypass surgery. Go by and wish him well.

Twelve-year-old charged with Double Murder

Here is a brief story of a twelve-year-old charged with the double murder of his mother and nine year old brother. I can only imagine the problems this family must have gone through prior to the killings. So many times, when kids this young have emotional problems with anger, people laugh, make light or think there is nothing to worry about. I once had a nine-year-old boy who threatened to kill his principal--I called the principal to warn him of the impending danger only to be laughed at and told that "no nine-year-old could be that dangerous." It was 1996. Only after the rash of school shootings started and the principal found this young student waiting for him in his office, crouched behind his chair, did he follow up to ask for my help. Sometimes, people take the violent threats of children too seriously, but sometimes, they do not take them seriously enough. The hard part is knowing the difference.Too bad no one stopped this tragedy before it happened.

Update: Several commenters have asked some good questions about why young kids kill, if they can be treated and how to tell the difference between a threat and real violence. First of all, kids under 14 do not kill often--take a look at the stats from the Office of Juvenile Justice. However, when they do, there can be a variety of reasons. Some have been abused, some are mentally ill and some are just NDG (no damn good--the more sophisticated psychological term is psychopath) or maybe they are a combination of all three.

The 12-year-old in this case was described by neighbors as "a bully" who told others not to mess with him--because he was crazy:

Ten-year-old Jasmine Williams describes the accused as "a bad kid" who would often hit people.

Sixteen-year-old Kel Taylor says the boy would say - quote - "I'm crazy. Don't mess with me."

I have found in my interviews with violent kids that many of them resort to saying they are crazy so that others will leave them alone or be afraid of them. However, in some cases, kids can just be Conduct Disordered--that is, they frequently display physical aggression towards others, have disturbed peer relationships, steal and lie. These cases are the hardest to change and those children who display persistent symptoms prior to puberty are more likely to develop adult Antisocial Personality Disorder and to possibly have more problems later in life. This is why as experts, forensic psychologists use instruments such as the Hare Psychopathy Checklist--Youth Version, to determine the extent of psychopathy. These instruments, interviews and other data help psychologists to assist the courts or agencies with recommendations on how dangerous a child might be (which is hard as violence prediction is not a hard science) and how to treat them.

So what do you do to determine if a child's threats are real or just words? Listen! Often kids will talk if they think you can stand hearing what they have to say. Case in point: kids often come in my office and say that the adults in their milieu get so upset or misunderstand their behavior that they shut down and/or just act out. If you hear kids saying upsetting things, get used to it. We are so afraid of anger in children that most adults shut down or get scared when confronted with anger that is so deep, a child will resort to murder. Some kids will talk "crazy" just to shock people but underlying this is, why is that important to the child? Find out.

If you hear a child describe feelings of hopelessness, suicidal feelings, depression or anger that lasts longer than a few weeks, contact a professional psychologist, psychiatrist or social worker who specializes in children. Get recommendations from parents at school or church etc. who have had results from the professional. As experts with children, clinical child psychologists and other specialists can use psychological instruments to help get a snapshot of a child's inner feelings and thoughts as well as if they may have suicidal or violent tendencies.

I believe that suicide and homicide are intertwined at times, especially with kids who want to kill at school or commit mass murder (again, rare) and the truth is that these kids hurt and they figure they will take down all the others who made them feel this way. The school stands for everyone who has done them wrong (whether real or imagined) and they conclude that the only way to deal with their angry feelings is to bring them to a climatic conclusion. These cognitive thoughts must be addressed in order to help the child cope with the world around them. Sometimes these children have poor interpersonal skills and view the world in a very weird and idiosyncratic way. Yes, it is fine to be eccentric and odd but to be this way and think that killing others is the answer is not a good coping strategy. The community and milieu the child is in is also important to address--is the commmunity letting the child get away with delinquent acts? Is the school allowing bullying to take place or engaging in hypocritical behavior and rules (such as all those fighting are suspended without finding out what happened?)

Finally, if you see a kid in your community who is a troublemaker and engaged in delinquent acts, do not think you are doing anyone a favor to keep it to yourself or ignore the behavior. Try calling the Juvenile Court and reporting the unruly behavior--at least there will be a record. One of the problems is that there is little recourse for parents like the mother in the above case--parents tell me all of the time that their 11 or 12 year old is threatening to kill them and no one will do anything. As a parent, you can try to get help through the Juvenile Court in your town or call and see if they have a clinic or services that you could seek out to assist with an unruly child. The best management is someone who can be a liason between home, community and school. If problems are dealt with early on, the kid and those in their path will have less chance of becoming involved in a violent act that may have consequences for years to come.

Thanks for Listening

Well, today the Glenn and Helen Show broke 3 million downloads for the past 13 episodes of our podcasts. Our most popular podcast so far has been Senator Bill Frist on the Avian Flu with nearly a million downloads (or could it be the second part of this show on bloggers at CPAC?) and our Cardiology podcast with about 515,000 downloads. If you have not done so, take a listen to these two podcasts or to one of our others. Even if you are reluctant to try this type of technology or swear you will never listen to a podcast, they can be a great way to get good information, one-on-one from politicians, authors and doctors who can make a difference in the way we view the world.

The Duke Case Continues

According to the second Duke stripper, if you are rich enough to hire an attorney, it's okay to be charged with rape--even if you might be innocent. If these young men turn out not to be guilty of this crime, saying you're sorry is not enough. If found innocent, perhaps the charges should be reversed and the accuser should be charged with the rape of these guys' reputations.

Update: Newsweek has more on the Duke case. What I find troubling is a statement from a student at the college that the accuser attends:

Across town, at NCCU, the mostly black college where the alleged victim is enrolled, students seemed bitterly resigned to the players' beating the rap. "This is a race issue," said Candice Shaw, 20. "People at Duke have a lot of money on their side." Chan Hall, 22, said, "It's the same old story. Duke up, Central down." Hall said he wanted to see the Duke students prosecuted "whether it happened or not. It would be justice for things that happened in the past." (On a bulletin board in the student lounge was a long list of students with grades high enough to qualify for the Golden Key International Honour Society. On the list was the name of the alleged rape victim.)

Wow, Chan Hall, your form of vigilante justice is really admirable--if the Duke students are prosecuted "whether it happened or not," when can we expect you to get your just deserts? Perhaps it will only be a matter of time.

Update II: La Shawn Barber has more on the Duke case--make sure you check out the must-read comment on her site linking to the problems NCCU has had with assaults and crime.

Podcast on China and the Middle East

Today, we are talking again to Jim Dunnigan of Strategy Page and Austin Bay of AustinBay.net about China (did you know that there are 100 million internet users there?), Iran and the possibility of an electromagnetic bomb, and Iraq updates. We also caught up with Michael Totten who is just back from the Middle East where he has been blogging about his experiences. He talks about how he was treated as an American, the despair of Cairo, and the beauty and wonder of Istanbul.

You can listen to the podcast here (no iPod needed) or subscribe via iTunes here.

As always, comments and suggestions can be left below.

McDonald's Supersized Profits

I just read that McDonald's is doing better than ever--good for them (Hat Tip: Instapundit). The supersized profits occurred despite Morgan Spurlock's negative documentary, Super Size Me, detailing how bad McDonald's is for your health. In the documentary, Spurlock eats McDonald's for three meals a day and often supersizes everything. Spurlock finds that his health suffers--well, duh. Ever heard of too much of a good thing? Of course, the real message of the documentary seems to be that corporations are bad and telling people what to eat is good.

I often think of making a rather different documentary than Spurlock's. This one would entail my eating about ten cakes of Tofu for each meal; after all, eating lots of tofu leads to "accelerated brain aging," one study says. Or I could eat gallons of raw bean sprouts every day and then describe the horrible effects on my health. Even Dr. Andrew Weil, the health food guy, is against eating raw sprouts due to toxins. Heck, why not pick on Panera Bread (which seems to seduce so many organic yuppie types to it's doors) instead of McDonald's-- take a look at the fat and calories in their chicken sandwich--Hint--it makes a Big Mac look like a veggie burger in terms of calories. Or how about the Turkey Artichoke Panini? Sounds healthy until you see it has 840 calories and 37 grams of fat--much more than a Big Mac (540 calories and 30 grams of fat).

Anyway, you get the idea. If you want to take care of your health, it is up to you to evaluate your choices--whether it be McDonald's for a healthy salad or Panera for one that has three times the fat. Me -- I eat better at home.

MySpace to the Rescue

Dateline says that posting too much information on social networking sites like MySpace may be dangerous. But sometimes, it can save lives:

Kansas law officials say they've foiled a plot to attack a rural high school. Cherokee County Sheriff Steve Norman says five students are in custody. He says deputies found guns, ammunition, knives and encoded messages in the bedroom of one of the suspects.

Norman says officials got wind of the Riverton High School plot after a threatening message was posted on the Web site MySpace.com.

I wonder if we will see Dateline or other MSM outlets run positive stories about internet social networking sites--probably about the time they run an hour long series on gun owners who saved themselves with their weapons. In other words, I won't be holding my breath.

Cathy Young looks at another side of "husband management" in this post.

What would you do if your ex-wife tried to thwart your dying wish to spend time with your kids? Maybe something like this (Hat tip MND).

Black Teens Involved in NYU Student Murder Get a Slap on the Wrist

The black teens involved in robbing and chasing a white NYU student into an oncoming car are to be tried as juveniles rather than adults. What does this mean?

The effect of the transfer is that the teens, who faced nine years to life in prison if they had been convicted as adults, now face a maximum initial sentence of five years "restrictive placement" if convicted in Family Court, said Larry Busching, head of the city Law Department's Family Court Division.

In commentary from Mens News Daily, Jim Kouri describes how black-on-white crime is rarely recorded as a hate crime:

One NYPD police officer said, on condition of anonymity, “This is a travesty. These street punks are getting a slap on the wrist. They did complete a felony — assault — when they grabbed the student and punched him. They just didn’t want to throw the book at these kids.”

He also said, “They didn’t want to charge them with a bias crime because they don’t want the [crime] stats to show a black-on-white bias crime. You can be sure if the roles were reversed — if it were a white-on-black incident — it would have been treated as a bias crime,” he said.

So, when you see ludicrous posters like this which state absurdities such as "80% of all hate crimes are committed by straight white men under 23," just remember all the victims like Broderick Hehman, the 20-year-old NYU student, who never got a chance to tell his side of the story.

Israeli Soldiers

I wouldn't mess with these women.

I found these pictures beautiful, heroic and touching. Unfortunately, the photographer projects her own feelings of vulnerability, depression and meaninglessness onto her subjects (from her statement):

I decided to portray female soldiers in Israel during their mandatory military service as a way for me to revisit my own experience. I served as a photographer in the Israeli Air Force between 1988-1990. It was a period marked by continuous depression and extreme loneliness, and at the time I was too young to understand these emotions. Through a series of images showing female soldiers in army bases and outside, individually or in groups, I attempt to reveal a facet of this experience that is generally overlooked by the global community.

Rather than portraying the soldier as heroic, confident, or proud, my images disclose a complexity of emotions. The soldier is often caught in a transient moment of self-reflection, uncertainty, a break from her daily reality, as if questioning her own identity and state of contradiction. She is a soldier in uniform but at the same time she is a teenage girl who is trying to negotiate between these two extreme dimensions. She is in an army base surrounded by hundreds like her, but underneath the uniform there is an individual that wishes to be noticed.

I realized that although I was in a vulnerable emotional state during my service and thought of ways out of it, there was a certain level of acceptance involved. The girls I encountered were so immersed in this lifestyle, in their new reality, and completely divorced from the outside world. How could I explain to them that what they are doing means nothing in the outside world, yet will affect them for the rest of their lives? They have given up who they are for now; they have put their dreams on hold; their lives for the next two years have become a wistful compromise.

Yes, best to downplay any type of heroism and instead, decide that these women must be vulnerable, depressed and wasting their time serving.

More Male Bashing

Larry sent me this picture today to let me know the kind of trashy posters this "tolerant" University posts on it's campus. Take a look.

Home Alone

You know, come to think of it, maybe staying in mom and dad's basement is not such a bad idea for young men. After all, at any time, the press makes it appear that you can be hauled away in the middle of the night on rape charges. It might be best to avoid college, never marry, live at home until you are in your 30's and then go out in the world as a middle aged guy who no one bothers with much anymore. Not a bad plan these days.

Moussaoui May have Schizophrenia

Yes, Moussaoui, you're right. It is a lot of American B.S.

Update: Well, the American B.S. continues with this gem:

A defense psychologist said Tuesday he concluded Zacarias Moussaoui is a paranoid schizophrenic based on observations of the actions and writings of the terrorist conspirator, a man described earlier as convinced President Bush will set him free....

Psychologist Xavier Amador said the clincher in his diagnosis was an April 2005 encounter with Moussaoui in which the defendant in the nation's only Sept. 11, 2001, prosecution repeatedly spit water on him — and appeared to be talking to himself.

Dr. Amador, I say spitting on you only proves Moussaoui's sanity is intact.

How Dare Those Guys Think They are Entitled to a Good Time?

Here is a good article that really sums up the incident at Duke. The rush to judge the young men in this case is disturbing:

"We don't know all the facts about the alleged Duke lacrosse rape, but ..."

That's more or less how most commentators have introduced their remarks on the case that has reduced the Durham, N.C., community to prayers, tears and recriminations.

Let me interpret the code for you: Men are bad.

Even though we don't know what happened, we're not going to let the absence of facts interfere with our indictment of a team, a coach, a school, but more to the point - of boys.

About the only thing to emerge with any clarity since a black exotic dancer claimed that three white lacrosse players raped her last month is our willingness to believe the worst about males.

That belief is all the more rewarding if the males happen to be white, as well as athletes, and especially if they're perceived to be privileged. If there's one thing we can't bear in this country, it's spoiled white boys who think the world owes them a good time.

The author of this article hits the nail on the head with these statements:

While we wait to hear what the grand jury decides, we might turn our harsh judgment inward and recognize that the anti-male groupthink that permitted a presumption of guilt in Durham is little different than the lynch-mob mentality that once channeled rage against blacks.

Obviously, no woman deserves to be raped for any reason, under any circumstances. But nor do men deserve to be presumed guilty just because they're men.

Perhaps the real crime here is that our man-bashing society has declared itself judge, jury and hangman without ever hearing the other side of the story.

Internet Dating

Wow, I never knew Eugene Volokh met his wife online--he is one of a number of intelligent men, whom I have heard met their future wife online. Perhaps when there are fewer potential spouses out there for you because of being quirky, smart, or different, online dating makes sense, since it can narrow the field by matching the same interests, likes, dislikes etc. I must admit that I used to work at a dating service in Brooklyn for several years after my first master's degree (what job did I not have?)

No, I was not an escort, I worked as a matchmaker and the job required a psychologist who had at least a masters or PHD to match people all over the country. I thought I was pretty good at it as I often got letters back from happy couples reporting that they were getting married or dating seriously. I never took advantage of meeting men through the dating service, although, Lord knows, I should have, given the bunch of winners I met in New York. I will not go into detail but let's just say that one of them was OCD to the point he became non-functional, another -- an aspiring model -- mooched off me for a year (I was a grad student, worked two jobs to pay the rent and he would not even help pay for groceries, just his own beer), and well, let's just stop there. Luckily, I met my husband when I moved back to Knoxville.

But enough about me. Has anyone had any luck with Internet dating or not?

Happy Easter

I hope all of my readers who celebrate Easter are enjoying the weekend and those who do not celebrate are doing something fun!

Transparency in Healthcare

Dr. Wes, a cardiologist, asks if it might make a difference in healthcare costs if we knew the actual cost of our care:

But what if costs were disclosed? What if costs were available online or during the ordering process on the Electronic Medical Record for physicians to make judgments about how many tests they REALLY need? Might it affect care negatively? I doubt it. Would it change outcomes? Probably not. Reduce cost? Absolutely. Is it difficult to implement? No.

And taking that concept one further, what if the patient could see the costs of expensive technologies? What if the costs of implantable defibrillators were available online? (For instance, it’s easier to find what a defibrillator weighs, than what it costs…. I checked Google, the big three ICD manufacturers websites [Guidant, Medtronic, St. Jude] and could find none.) Stents? Would patients always want the “expensive version” of technology or would they settle for a lesser model if it saved them or the system a few bucks? I don’t know. But to shield the ultimate consumers (the patient and their doctors) from these costs is counter-productive and serves to permit price increases to occur without public awareness and limits free-market competition. Transparency in healthcare costs is just as important as transparency on corporate financial statements. Maybe more. And this won’t just help the doctors and patients.

Incidentally , Dr. Wes, mine cost about one hundred thousand dollars--give or take a bit.

The Well-Managed Husband?

I was thinking of doing a podcast featuring men talking about marriage--pro or con--and started conducting a little research. I initially went to Nomarriage.com and FireYourwife.com which I found too mean-spirited; for example, here is a list that FireYourwife tells husbands is the type of advice wives are getting pre-divorce:

Wait till he falls asleep. Rifle through his pockets.

Does he fall asleep after sex? Have fun -- then rifle through his pockets!

Go to Las Vegas or Atlantic City and tell him you lost it all -- except you did not.

If your husband pays your credit card bills but won't share his cash, charge! Then return for cash refund or resell that expensive stuff to friends.

If you cook, serve him hamburger, not steak. Pocket the difference.

If a bill is for $220, round it up to a nearest hundred and enter $300.

"Pay" the same phone or utility bill three times each month.
Always carry something to remind you of your husband...like his credit card.

Secrets are not necessarily bad. Putting money away can be a wonderful thing for a relationship.

The first one who gets to the bank is the one to empty the joint accounts.

Learn to aggravate your husband whenever possible.

Criticize him daily... Accuse him of having affairs (falsely)... Lend his money to your relatives... Run up his credit cards... Nag, Nag, Nag...

Control your husband by being alternately loving and indifferent to keep him in a state of continual concern.

His money is going to be your money anyway when he drops dead.

I was upset reading this, thinking, surely women do not stoop to this--but as a psychologist and a grown-up, I guess I should know better.

Apparently, this controlling behavior can start during a marriage that is not categorized as "pre-divorce" (although maybe it should be)." I came across this site by a Mad Suburban Dad (thanks MSN) discussing his puzzlement at being a well-managed husband. The author of the blog seems perplexed and a bit taken aback when he finds out that his wife is chatting up other women about how they "manage" their husbands. He asks his wife what "well-managed" means and gets this interchange:

"A well-managed husband does not realize he is being managed, nor do his friends," she said. "Usually, the only other person who can tell he is well managed is a woman who also has a well-managed husband or boyfriend." Then I asked the question that I am afraid to ask and even more afraid to hear the answer to: "So, if you know your friend's husband is 'well managed,' does that mean I'm 'well-managed' too?" I asked with trepedation.

Mad Mom gets this silly grin and says: "Excuse me, I have got to go to the bathroom."

Say what? If I was MadDad and I heard this, I would have been livid. No trepedation, no humiliating strikes like MadDad talks about (check out post 4-4), no asking women on my site for comments, no, nope, nada. Just a simple statement from me to this prize of a wife, "I hear you talking like that or trying to manipulate me like that again and I am out of here."

And I would mean it.

Podcast with Harold Ford, Jr.

Today, we had the pleasure of talking with Congressman Harold Ford, Jr. who is vying for Bill Frist's Senate seat in 2006. He is on a bus tour around Tennessee and happened to be in our neck of the woods and stopped by the Glenn and Helen studio. Below you can see him outside his bus holding a copy of Glenn's book, An Army of Davids. We interviewed Mr. Ford about his campaign, the war, Iran, immigration, gun rights, healthcare and anything else we could work in. He is quite an interesting guy.

You can listen to the podcast here or you can subscribe via iTunes. A dialup version is here.

As always, please leave comments and suggestions below.

Male Teachers Under Scrutiny

Not that we will have to worry much longer--the pool of male teachers is dwindling--thanks in part, to scrutiny like this (Thanks Trevor):

Negative comments and raised eyebrows also have affected aspiring male kindergarten teachers in recent years, said Pam Fleege, associate professor of early childhood education at the University of South Florida.

"It's very sad. Male students have come to me after they've been challenged by their own families and friends," Fleege said. "Some are accused of being pedophiles. But they mostly get a lot of, 'What are you going to say when a parent confronts you?'"

Confrontations with suspicious parents are rare, teachers say. That could be because parents who are uncomfortable with a man teaching their children often request a female teacher.


Those requests are honored every year by Carol Hughes, principal of Leila G. Davis Elementary in Clearwater. She leads the only Pinellas County or Hillsborough County public school with two male kindergarten teachers.

Tamara Lowe, whose son was in Goldstein's kindergarten class years ago, said that when her son was assigned to Goldstein she contacted Berkley Prep officials to "express concern about the wisdom of having a young man teach kindergarten."

If a male teacher encounters fearful parents, the key is to involve them in the class as much as possible, said Brian Esparza, who teaches at Leila G. Davis.

"You just have to get to know them, let them get to know you, and win them over," Esparza said. "You get those kinds of parents, but I hear a lot more of the flip side, people happy that their child has a male role model in kindergarten."

Principals take many requests to place children with male kindergarten teachers. That opportunity, though, is available at a small percentage of schools.

In Pinellas, eight of 418 kindergarten teachers, or almost 2 percent, are men. In Hillsborough, there are 13 men and 764 women, again almost 2 percent

In Pasco County, the numbers are higher than the 9 percent national average. That nationwide number, though, is at a 40-year low, the National Education Association says.

Of the 884 Pasco kindergarten teachers, 105 are men, almost 12 percent. In Pasco, kindergarten, first- and second-grade students are educated together, based on their achievement levels.

As I dropped my daughter off at school today, I noticed that all of the safety patrollers were girls, not a boy in sight. Her elementary school held elections for class President and Supreme Court--the nominees--all girls except one. A coincidence? Maybe--but my guess is that early in the education game, boys are being marginalized. But hey, as long as the payback against the male sex is alive and well, and no one seems to put up much of a fight, it will continue. But my question is, how much revenge is enough?

Do you think Al Sharpton will come out to protest this crime? I doubt it.

Update: For those who want a direct link to the pitiful initial NYT's story on this case, here it is. Notice the bland headline--"Chase Led Man into Car's Path." Here is an updated story from the NYT's from today that gives more information. Luckily, one of the thug's grandparents described his progressive child-rearing plan--just give a kid everything they want so they won't steal from others:

Rodney Jenkins, a grandfather of one of the 15-year-olds, said he spoiled his grandson so he would never be lured into the thuggery that upends the lives of so many young black men. "He has a jacket for every day of the week and stack of jeans," Mr. Jenkins said. "We do that so he won't have to go to the street to sell drugs."

Yep, always best to bribe the kids so they don't take to the streets.

Sodomy of Boys

The trend continues (Hat Tip to Mark Daniels).

More Female Abusers in the News

Thanks to desert light journal for pointing out these two interesting articles--one from Time.com on female pedophiles and the other at CNN.com about men who have been abused by women. When I read the latter article which states "it was hard to believe the three men's story: that they were victims of physical abuse at the hands of their female partners," all I could think was, is this really surprising news anymore? I guess it is to CNN.

Army Basketball Coach Dies at 28 of a Heart Arrhythmia

Thanks to all the readers who sent me this story on Maggie Dixon, the Army Women's basketball coach, who died last night of a heart arrhythmia:

Dixon was hospitalized in critical condition after suffering an "arrhythmic episode to her heart" Wednesday at the school, her older brother, Pittsburgh men's basketball coach Jamie Dixon said Thursday.

"She ... went to the house of a friend for afternoon tea where she said she wasn't feeling good and she collapsed," said Dixon, who read a prepared statement from the hospital on Thursday.

He said he had breakfast with his sister earlier Wednesday and that she had apparently been feeling well.

I wish that Ms. Dixon had an implantable cardioverter defibrillator like I have that deals with the most deadly of heart rhythms--recurrent, sustained ventricular tachycardia or fibrillation. However, the first warning sign for many victims of these rhythm problems is death--maybe that is why there is little publicity about Sudden Cardiac Death. Most of us are not here to make our voices heard. RIP, Ms. Dixon.

Sure Loser

I was reading a post on weight control over at Jane Galt's blog that got me thinking about my own weight control issues. My disgust with my weight started at the age of 12 when I was deep into puberty and realized my body was changing. My mother had always had weight issues and attended a weight watcher's-like group called,"Sure Losers." I should have realized by the name alone that this was a meeting for a 12-year old to stay from--but no such luck. My older sister and I begged my mom to take us with her to the meetings.

I will never forget the first time I walked into a group of 20 or so ladies who were of all age ranges--their only commonality seemed to be excess weight and a need to obsess over calories. The group leader's name was "Babe" and she was a short 70-year old who wore long gowns that would have been more appropriate at the Opera than at a weight watcher's meeting in the basement of her home. At my first weigh-in, I got on the scale and it tipped to 130 pounds--I was only five foot four at that point. "Wow, I used to weigh a lot less," I said, to which Babe replied, "when was that--when you were four? and gave a hearty laugh. Rather than pack up in disgust, I attended the meetings faithfully and listened to all that Babe spouted about how to eat. The tidbit I picked up most readily and held onto like it was gold instead of poison was, "You never need to eat another piece of candy as long as you live." I actively avoided all sugar and was already a vegetarian and thought somehow, I would always be healthy if I just avoided candy. Boy, was I wrong.

I spent the next years watching what I ate and exercising and running to keep myself healthy. I thought that eating sugar was a sign of weakness and only when my body would be so desperate for calories that I would crack and eat Tofutti during graduate school did I realize what I had been missing. I eventually became fairly plump from this endeavor--take a look at the calorie count on Tofutti and you will know why--especially if you eat a whole carton. The stuff is loaded with fat and calories. My family always looked at me with dismay when I would join them for a meal. I only had certain things I would eat that were healthy, fat free and vegetarian. Later on, after I stopped all of this foolishness, I told my mother how I had listened to Babe and thought I was never supposed to eat candy again. She gave me a puzzled look and said, "Why did you listen, no one else did!"

She was right--I never should have listened. I cannot say that any of the calorie restriction or dedicated exercise really helped my health. In fact, I sometimes wonder secretly if I ruined it. After all, at 37, I had a heart attack. The doctors say that this would not be caused by anything except bad luck, but I am not always sure. After my heart attack, I never tried to diet again. I am 5 feet 6 inches and weighed about 110 pounds at the time of my heart attack. I now weigh about 124. I swore that I would never let myself get hungry again and I don't. I eat candy when I feel like it--just had some really good peppermints last night-Yum!

I don't know why it took me so long to realize that no food in the world can make me immune to disease, aging and dying. Maybe I am just a "Sure Loser." However, with my new found knowledge, I feel disgusted when people talk about fat people being so unhealthy--they are not necessarily. I have seen overweight people in the past fly by me in a race, live into old age and generally do better in a lot of ways. I am not saying obesity is the answer, but then neither is being a twig.

Tips for College Students, New Professors

Are you (or do you have) a college-aged teen or young person heading off to college or are you maybe heading off yourself to teach at a college? If you thought all you needed was smarts and enthusiasm--think again.

Following is an implicit mainstream campus credo you may need to know, particularly if you are heading off to an elite school. In an interesting article a reader pointed out to me from The Washington Post entitled, "The Echo Chamber on Liberal Campuses," I found the following principal tenets that you'd best memorize unless you have tenure:

· Diversity, particularly linguistic and theological diversity, binds and unites a culture.

· Proportionate representation of races within a student body justifies corrective discrimination by race.

· All cultures are morally equivalent.

· Social justice may require unequal application of equal protection laws.

· The dearth of women in science screams gender bias; the dearth of men in nursing does not.

· Diversity promotes classroom learning -- except in English composition, for which foreign-born students must have their own section.

· Hate speech (racial, sexual and religious slurs) has no place on college campuses. Some words should never be spoken.

· No one should ever have to pay for health care -- or condoms.

I assume there are more but the above should be a start towards mastering the campus atmosphere at a majority of schools, especially the elite ones.

Podcast with Bill Frist on Immigration and Pork

We are talking briefly today with Senate Majority Leader, Bill Frist, for an update on immigration legislation. Questions include: What's with Hillary Clinton and her insistence that Jesus would be a criminal under the proposed bill? Is she joining the religious right? Will it be easier to get into this country legally in the future?

Glenn also asks a question about Porkbusters and Trent Lott's statement: "I'll just say this about the so-called porkbusters. I'm getting damn tired of hearing from them. They have been nothing but trouble ever since Katrina." Mr. Lott, the trouble has just begun.

You can listen to the podcast here (no iPod needed) or click here to listen on iTunes. (There's a low-fi version for dialup folks here and a collection of previous episodes here.) Please subscribe to our podcast via iTunes if you have not already done so!

Please leave any comments and suggestions below.

Sodomy of Boys is A-Okay

Can you imagine what would happen if the victims in this case were young girls instead of young boys? (Thanks to the reader who sent this story to me.)

The son of Arizona's Senate president confessed that he and another counselor shoved broomsticks and flashlights into the rectums of 18 boys in at least 40 incidents at a youth camp in June.

Now Yavapai County prosecutors say they will drop all but one assault charge and likely recommend little or no jail time if 18-year-old Clifton Bennett agrees to plead guilty.

A similar agreement has been offered to co-defendant Kyle Wheeler, 19, who faces an additional assault charge for choking three of the boys until they passed out.

Apparently, sodomizing a young boy with a broomstick and a flashlight does not constitute a sexual violation, merely a "hazing" (whatever that means).

Prosecuting attorney James Landis explained the plea agreement in court, saying the "broomsticking" was a hazing ritual and a punishment, not sexual assault.

....Landis said in court that the case was never viewed as "sexual in nature," in part because prosecutors could not prove Bennett and Wheeler had sexual intent. Parents of the victims said Landis told them privately that the incidents occurred while the boys had on clothes or swimsuits and that there was no evidence the defendants are homosexuals.

"We would certainly start from a different perspective if it was girls (as victims)," he said in court.

Wow, in a world where a man can lose his job for being falsely accused of trying to sodomize a girl, young men can almost get away scot-free if they actually sodomize boys. What a fair and just system we have.

Update: Sheila S. Polk, the Yavapai County Attorney, states that her office sees this case as a "hazing gone wrong" and not as sexual abuse:

There is absolutely no evidence that this was done with a sexual motivation. No penetration occurred, either in the anus or rectum. The victims were not secreted away to a hiding spot while this was done to them. It was done in front of the other campers. In fact, several photographs were taken by other campers. This is hardly the work of sexual predators. Rather, it is the work of two young men repeatedly making poor decisions. We all have heard reports of this sort of thing throughout the United States over many years: hazing gone wrong.

Was their conduct a good thing? No. Was it appropriate? No. Are they being held criminally responsible for their misdeeds? Yes. But to call this “sodomy” or “child molestation” when it clearly is not, harms these victims, unnecessarily taints these defendants and harms the criminal justice system in general. Quite frankly, it is slap in the face to child molestation and sexual assault victims everywhere to put this conduct in the same category.

Read the police report and see if you agree with her or not.

Podcast with Virginia Postrel on Kidney Donation

Talk about true altruism--today, we are talking with Virginia Postrel about her recent kidney donation to friend and author, Sally Satel. Virginia talks about the shortage of organ donations and discusses some remedies. Be sure and check out books by Virginia such as The Substance of Style and The Future and Its Enemies. I also highly recommend psychiatrist Sally Satel's book with Christina Hoff Sommers, One Nation Under Therapy : How the Helping Culture is Eroding Self-Reliance.

Click here to listen directly (no iPod needed!) or you can get it here via iTunes.

There's an archive of previous podcasts here, and a collection of low-fi versions for dialup here.

As always, please leave any comments or suggestions below. Thanks!

Give Me Another Cupcake

Wow, almost 5% of all three year olds are too fat to sit in a regular carseat:

"More than a quarter of a million U.S. children ages 1 to 6 are heavier than the weight limits for standard car seats, and most are 3-year-olds who weigh more than 40 pounds, the study found."

I am against vegan and whacky diets for young kids but what the heck are parents feeding their kids these days?

Discussion with Dr. Leonard Sax on Unmotivated Boys

Here is an interesting transcript of a discussion from the Washington Post article with Leonard Sax, the physician and psychologist who wrote the op-ed, "What's Happening to Boys." The discussion, frankly seems a bit odd to me, as Dr. Sax seems to put some blame for boy's lack of motivation on environmental toxins and video games:

That's one reason I have begun to pay serious attention to the hypotheses regarding environmental toxins, in particular those toxins derived from plastics. We're all exposed to foods in plastic containers, regardless of our economic status. The possibility that these toxins may play a role in this phenomenon should at least be explored.

.....But here's the problem. We're seeing many more young men today who are unmotivated. In just the past 20 or 30 years, the proportion of young men living at home without the desire to make their own way in life has increased very substantially. Why is that? I don't think human nature can have changed in a fundamental way in just 20 years. Maybe it's partly the influence of video games, or changes in education or the workforce. But I think the possibility of environmental toxins must at least be investigated.

Uhhh, what about girls? Are they exempt from the toxins from plastic containers or do girls actually become even more motivated to attend college and get out of the house than boys when exposed to toxins? It makes no sense to me.

Another commenter asks about video games to which Dr. Sax replies:

Could video games be at least partly responsible for the phenomenon of 'boys adrift'? I think the answer is YES. Video games create a compelling alternative world. Success, victory, conquest in that world may compensate -- in the psyche of the boy/man -- for a lack of achievement in the real world.

Wow, now boys can just sublimate their ambition onto video games. Could it possibly be the other way around? Could some boys play video games to escape being told just how expendable and worthless they are? I don't know--just a theory--since many of my male patients tell me they play video games because they are lonely or feel down. Or just because they are fun.

And finally, another commenter asks Dr. Sax whether young men have opted out of college and career because these choices have become the province of mainly girls. Dr. Sax side steps this comment by saying:

Interesting, provocative, controversial point. I'm not comfortable with your idea that the broader horizons opened to girls over the past 30 years have narrowed the horizons available to boys and young men. But I thought I should post your question, so others can think about it.

Yep, better not touch that comment with a ten foot poll if you want to stay in the mainstream and sell your new book, "Boys Adrift: what's really behind the growing epidemic of unmotivated boys."

Overall, the rest of the discussion with Dr. Sax was quite interesting. Take a look and let me know your impressions. Do you think plastic is making men live at home until they are 34? Do you think that video games have ruined boys? Does the anti-boy culture hurt boys? Any guys out there 22-34 living at home who can shed some light on this issue?

The Carnival of the Insanities is up.