Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say

Who says men don't share their feelings? 125 comments and growing in the post about men and marriage. I must admit that reading these comments has made me wince--with pain and sadness for some of the writers--as well as with anger that so many of our laws have unfairly turned against men in order to give women the upper hand in the domestic arena. I can understand why some men stay away from marriage and relationships in general.

Many men in the thread seemed to be wondering where women get this sense of entitlement--that men are supposed to support them, please them, listen to everything they have to say and respond with no judgement at all. I can only fathom that it comes from being told that girls are precious and boys are scum. "Men are pigs" is so common that no one bats an eye anymore--even men throw out this phrase as it is branded into their psyche from a young age. The other day I was at a restaurant and the waitress was pregnant. I told her congrats and asked if she knew the sex of her child. "Thank God it's a girl", she quipped, "we don't need to bring any more boys into the world." Uhh...we don't? Why not? Apparently, the prejudice against boys starts in the womb. And the sad thing is, we are all going along with it--even the men.

So what do we do to change the negative attitudes (and hopefully, the unfair laws against men in marriage etc.)? We change our own attitudes and behavior when interacting with each other. Men don't have to go overboard but being strong and silent has never held more negative consequences for men. Speak up in relationships with women and tell them a little about how you feel. If a woman calls a man a jerk, speak up and say this is unfair and belittling--do not agree for goodness sakes! That will only reinforce stereotypes. Do not go along with everything a woman says in order to get sex--unless you just want sex and nothing else. Call her on her bad attitude and tell her to cut it out--it shows little respect for her fellow human beings.

And sometimes women can be so intent on bashing men that they stop listening. Warren Farrell has a book entitled, Women Can't Hear What Men Don't Say: Destroying Myths, Creating Love, that describes some of the problems with male bashing and man hating. Changing this begins not only with men but with women--we need to chastise the female chauvinistic behavior of other women--not reinforce it by yelling, "You go, girl!" Women who yell "all men are pigs" and see women as saints are nothing but trouble. And other women and men who go along with this attitude are contributing to the problem. It is no longer funny and cute that women feel this way--it is destructive and adding to problems between the sexes in the courts and in relationships. Women should realize that men have feelings also, they are not automatons who march to their every whim and desire. Women who need that much admiration and support need a therapist, not a partner.

Anyone out there have other ideas to reduce the negative attitudes about males so prevalent in our society?